Trolling...

...is really fun!

Here's a cool story all you bros:

The weather in my town was supposed to be really shitty today. I'm talking negatives temp-wise and snow/ice. It's nowhere as bad as it was predicted to be.. but anyways last night everyone was on facebook trying to see if anyone had gotten a call about school being canceled, but no one was getting anything (the actual call came in at like 4 in the morning the next day...). Me and my friend were talking when he got the idea to make his status "I JUST GOT THE CALL!! NO SCHOOL TOMORROW!!!" and I thought it was a great idea, so when he posted it I commented saying 'ME TOO!! HELL YES, NO SCHOOL!'





We trolled sooooooooooooooo many people. Another one of my friends saw it and told a bunch of people. Like 15 minutes after my friend posted the status he just said 'btw im jking.'

Oh my god, it was fucking hilarious. And now everyone is mad at me, what's the best way to flee the country into Mexico?

I HEREBY POP YOUR THREAD'S CHERRY

Alright...I don't care if you guys believe me ... it's real. This is the the most embarassing thing that I've ever experienced... it was a horrible night for me.. and I'm sharing it with you guys because I don't want any of my misc brahs to have to go through this.. especially since it all could have been EASILY prevented. I have added MS paint images so that you have a better idea as to what happened. It's very long, but I'll do my best to recount all of the important details. no ****ing cliffs..... read it to save yourself from something like this...

Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.







I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??










So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!







So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.









I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:










I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....




At that point things get even worse...





The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.










All of this could have ****ing been prevented if I had just brought my goddamn pee bottles!!! WTF?!?! The FIRST girl that shows interest in me.. I have to go and **** in her bathtub???? This is ****ing retarded (yes mad).

to all you people saying "peeing in bottles is stupid/gross"... well **** that... not only is it more convenient and cleaner, but it also prevents epic disaters like this one....

This is what WOULD have happened if I had my trustee pee bottle... I would have on sat on the can and then simultaneosly peed into the bottle and pooed into the toilet. No disaster... no mess.... and none of this would have happened.

ROFL OMFG u have no idea how bad i was laughing at this post

i literally had to stop reading and laugh for a few seconds, pushing myself from the table that the laptop was on

and then when i calmed down, i came back and saw the pictures (very fucking hilarious btw) and starting laughing my ass off again, and i couldnt stand still. my brother heard me from all the way across the house and i was literally laughing uncontrollably.

that is some funny shit

I almost believed you and started to explain how your erection was due to your own fecal matter being so large that it stimulated your prostate gland, but then I googled a few lines and found the original post elsewhere.

You know how sometimes people say that something is "too good to be true?" Well, this seemed too bad to be true. lol

I was amused by the author's MSPaint skillzors, tho

yeah its not mine its from bodybuilding-something.com

but yeah it was fking hilarous so instead of posting the link wich nobody would have clicked, i copy/pasted the whole shit

so i am quitting dota =/

since negro and my neighbor/friend has introduced me to RUNESCAPE again i have been so fucking addicted



nah jk but runescape is pretty fun

h1tthefloor wrote:

so i am quitting dota =/

since negro and my neighbor/friend has introduced me to RUNESCAPE again i have been so fucking addicted



nah jk but runescape is pretty fun

If you had put that second line any lower, the baby that I'm holding would have been shaken uncontrollably until it died of brain hemorrhaging. Runescape is fucking retarded. Maybe it's fun if you're an 11 year old kid with no friends...


A few years ago I played the 'training island' part of Runescape and I could never understand why people would ever spend hours and hours of their lives on such a shitty game.

Furthermore, Runescape is the most repulsive turd of a shit Sunday, the most vile, diseased, pulsating wart on the ass of progress. Runescape reigns supreme as the king of feces, alone atop a throne of soupy excrement it proudly calls home: the kingdom of shitty games.

There is no language or idea that can convey something as damaged or irredeemable as Runescape, it is the absolute zero of practicality, the sheer absence of rational thought and expression. It simply exists to demonstrate the lowest conceivable limit of value and substance, and it personifies all that is wrong and loathsome in the universe.

Runescape proves that a benevolent god does not exist, as no compassionate being would ever blight the world with such a repulsive creation.

Ruunescape is pretty Pointless with the crappy graphics and the "membership" crap. Even maplestory is better than that crap when all u do in runescape is run around and kill shit with horrible graphics. Any game that was been through java has one of the worst graphics no kidin.

For once, I agree completely with Baked.

You should ashamed of yourself, H1t, go home, wash out your mouth with soap and hit yourself over the head with a frying pan. When you wake up from your brief period of being unconcious, draw a pentogram, and sacrifice yourself to the god satan. All, of course, shortly after shooting yourself and your whole family.

Btw, I loved your description of runescape, doom.

Come on, they updated to an "HD" option for u. War do u mean? Well, it seems that whenu put on HD ver, u get a shitload of delay and lag unless u got like 2 prossecors or somthin. I mean come on, if u wanna
put HD, at least stabalize it not let people have a shitload of lag. And anyways, runescape r for people who can't afford world of Warcraft even though the membership crap cost like 50$

DoomScythe101 wrote:

h1tthefloor wrote:

so i am quitting dota =/

since negro and my neighbor/friend has introduced me to RUNESCAPE again i have been so fucking addicted



nah jk but runescape is pretty fun

If you had put that second line any lower, the baby that I'm holding would have been shaken uncontrollably until it died of brain hemorrhaging. Runescape is fucking retarded. Maybe it's fun if you're an 11 year old kid with no friends...


A few years ago I played the 'training island' part of Runescape and I could never understand why people would ever spend hours and hours of their lives on such a shitty game.

Furthermore, Runescape is the most repulsive turd of a shit Sunday, the most vile, diseased, pulsating wart on the ass of progress. Runescape reigns supreme as the king of feces, alone atop a throne of soupy excrement it proudly calls home: the kingdom of shitty games.

There is no language or idea that can convey something as damaged or irredeemable as Runescape, it is the absolute zero of practicality, the sheer absence of rational thought and expression. It simply exists to demonstrate the lowest conceivable limit of value and substance, and it personifies all that is wrong and loathsome in the universe.

Runescape proves that a benevolent god does not exist, as no compassionate being would ever blight the world with such a repulsive creation.

ahaaa doom aight nice

and yeah ike you're right >.>

it is getting boring after 2 days but it just was interesting thats it im probably going to stop

will somebody get on bnet and play some fucking dota?

oh and doom sorry for making you write all that to show everyone how worthless i am

Quote :

ahaaa doom aight nice

and yeah ike you're right >.>

it is getting boring after 2 days but it just was interesting thats it im probably going to stop

PEER PRESSURE WINS AGAIN!!

2:10 AM

WHAT AM I STILL DOING ON MY COMPUTER ?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

ummm, jack off i guess? i somtimes play lol tilll ike 3 cuz of friends. im serious, its so funny how u can juke in and out of bushes from noobs and get like 47-0 with em

<.<'

I like how to every question along the lines of "What am I doing right now?" baked replies "jacking off lol."

BDnR.Baked' wrote:

ummm, jack off i guess? i somtimes play lol tilll ike 3 cuz of friends. im serious, its so funny how u can juke in and out of bushes from noobs and get like 47-0 with em

wow, really?

1v1 me!

Ok.

fuck i have school tomorrow

when does everyone get back to school?

h1tthefloor wrote:

fuck i have school tomorrow

when does everyone get back to school?

10 hours ago.

hmm confused i am.

does that mean you have already started school again?

h1tthefloor wrote:

hmm confused i am.

does that mean you have already started school again?

Yeah, it started again this Monday.